The Challenge of “Quiet Quitting” in Relationships
The term “quiet quitting,” which refers to just doing the bare minimum at work, is now making its way into conversations about marriages too. In this context, it describes couples who stay together but cut back on their emotional engagement, communication, and involvement.
Relationship experts explain that even if couples still fulfill daily responsibilities like chores and parenting, one partner may feel emotionally and physically distant. This issue is becoming more visible on social media, as many are now sharing experiences about feeling disconnected while still being in a marriage.
Lisa Brookes Kift, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Marin Therapy and Counseling in California, notes that a lack of conflict isn’t always a sign of a healthy relationship. She warns that some couples might avoid addressing their feelings, which could harm the emotional trust they have built over the years.
Kift emphasizes that how individuals handle stress in a marriage can often be traced back to their earlier life experiences. If someone felt their needs weren’t met in childhood or learned to avoid vulnerability, they may struggle to engage and may retreat into their own world when faced with relationship issues.
Signs that a partner may be emotionally checked out include a drop in open communication, unresolved arguments, increasing irritation, and jumping to negative conclusions about the other spouse’s actions. These signs can lead a relationship into a state of what journalist Monica Corcoran Harel described as “parallel play,” similar to toddlers who play side by side but don’t connect with each other.
Kift stresses that when one partner has emotionally disengaged, it can become challenging for both to reconnect. If one partner feels completely removed, it’s doubtful they’ll be open to efforts for repair. Moreover, being overly cautious about potential pain can prevent a person from recognizing positive changes in their partner.
For couples ready to mend their relationship, Kift recommends starting with a gentle and sincere conversation. An example might be, “I know it may not seem like it, but you and our marriage mean a lot to me. Can we find a time to talk?”
Navigating emotional disconnection in a marriage can be tough, but with willingness and openness on both sides, many couples can work towards revitalizing their bond.
