Uncovering Technology-Facilitated Abuse: A Survivor’s Story
In a troubling revelation, Amanda’s husband often made comments that left her questioning his knowledge. She found herself wondering, “How did he know that?” His remarks, like “I know you talk about me to others,” made her feel as if he could peer into her thoughts.
The turning point came when Amanda delved into her social media settings and discovered that someone was frequently accessing her account without permission. This led her to realize that her husband had been monitoring her conversations and using the information as a tool for manipulation.
For years, Amanda had been a victim of coercive control. The realization of technology being used as a means of abuse left her feeling violated and isolated. Yet, it also ignited a newfound sense of strength within her. “I was angry,” she expressed, “but it felt freeing to know I had proof of his manipulation. It’s not just in my head anymore.”
Studies indicate that the use of technology to perpetuate violence against women is rapidly growing. This includes various forms of abuse like image-based harm, cyberstalking, and manipulated fake images. Currently, UN Women is running a campaign from November 25 to December 10, aimed at raising awareness of this alarming trend under the banner: “End Digital Violence Against All Women and Girls.”
After escaping her abusive relationship, Amanda now works with Advocates for Change, sharing her experience with technology-facilitated abuse.
A Shift After Marriage
Amanda reflects on how the abuse gradually escalated after her marriage. Initially, her husband wasn’t overtly abusive, but as time passed, coercive control became more pronounced. “It made me feel like I was losing my sanity,” she admitted, noting several hospital visits due to her mental health struggles. Her husband often claimed she was ‘crazy,’ becoming angry when she sought help.
Feeling defeated and believing he was her only lifeline, she worried about mundane tasks like hanging a picture frame or remembering to take out the trash, having been repeatedly told she was incompetent.
The Discovery of Gaslighting
It was during a conversation about breaking up that Amanda instinctively checked her social media accounts, discovering her husband’s unauthorized access through her laptop and his phone. Isolated from friends and family, social media had been her only outlet; a platform to voice her thoughts and seek advice.
Her husband had been using insights gathered from private chats to manipulate and intimidate her, making her feel foolish for not safeguarding her account better. However, this revelation was also liberating—it reinforced her decision to leave him.
Violations of Privacy
Amanda’s experience included chilling instances of her husband taking compromising photos while she slept and sharing them with friends. Such blatant acts of abuse marked a pivotal moment in her decision to end the relationship.
The breaking point came when she learned he was speaking negatively about her to their daughter. It was then she recognized, “I deserve better,” and committed to demonstrating a healthy relationship to her child.
A New Beginning
Leaving her abusive marriage felt daunting, and Amanda braced for a solitary future. “I thought no one could ever love me again,” she shared. Contrary to her fears, she has now found joy with a supportive partner.
Reflecting on her journey, she emphasized the need for increased awareness of technology abuse. “If I had known how abusers use technology to control, I would have been more vigilant,” she stated.
Amanda hopes her story encourages others trapped in similar situations to imagine the possibilities of a life free from abuse. “There is a life waiting for you, filled with love and respect,” she urges. Her message echoes a vital truth: awareness and empowerment are crucial in overcoming digital and emotional violence.
